Tuesday, July 14, 2015


The following phrases are nine of the worst offenders. You should avoid them at all costs.

1. “You look tired.”

Tired people are incredibly unappealing—they have droopy eyes and messy hair, they have trouble concentrating, and they’re as grouchy as they come. Telling someone he looks tired implies all of the above and then some.

Instead say: “Is everything okay?” Most people ask if someone is tired because they’re intending to be helpful (they want to know if the other person is okay). Instead of assuming someone’s disposition, just ask. This way, she can open up and share. More importantly, she will see you as concerned instead of rude.

2. “Wow, you’ve lost a ton of weight!”

Once again, a well-meaning comment—in this case a compliment—creates the impression that you’re being critical. Telling someone that she has lost a lot of weight suggests that she used to look fat or unattractive.

Instead say: “You look fantastic.” This one is an easy fix. Instead of comparing how she looks now to how she used to look, just compliment her for looking great. It takes the past right out of the picture.

3. “You were too good for them anyway.”

When someone severs ties with a relationship of any type, personal or professional, this comment implies that they has bad taste and made a poor choice in the first place.

Instead say: “Their loss!” This provides the same enthusiastic support and optimism without any implied criticism.

4. “You always…” or “You never…”

No one always or never does anything. People don’t see themselves as one-dimensional, so you shouldn’t attempt to define them as such. These phrases make people defensive and closed off to your message, which is a really bad thing because you likely use these phrases when you have something important to discuss.

Instead say: Simply point out what the other person did that’s a problem for you. Stick to the facts. If the frequency of the behavior is an issue, you can always say, “It seems like you do this often.” or “You do this often enough for me to notice.”

5. “You look great for your age.”

Using “for your” as a qualifier always comes across as condescending and rude. No one wants to be smart for an athlete or in good shape relative to other people who are also knocking on death’s door. People simply want to be smart and fit.

Instead say: “You look great.” This one is another easy fix. Genuine compliments don’t need qualifiers.

6. “As I said before…”

We all forget things from time to time. This phrase makes it sound as if you’re insulted at having to repeat yourself, which is hard on the recipient (someone who is genuinely interested in hearing your perspective). Getting insulted over having to repeat yourself suggests that either you’re insecure or you think you’re better than everyone else (or both!). Few people who use this phrase actually feel this way.

Instead say: When you say it again, see what you can do to convey the message in a clearer and more interesting manner. This way they'll remember what you said.

7. “Good luck.”

This is a subtle one. It certainly isn’t the end of the world if you wish someone good luck, but you can do better because this phrase implies that they need luck to succeed.

Instead say: “I know you have what it takes.” This is better than wishing her luck because suggesting that she has the skills needed to succeed provides a huge boost of confidence. You’ll stand out from everyone else who simply wishes her luck.

8. “It’s up to you.” or “Whatever you want.”

While you may be indifferent to the question, your opinion is important to the person asking (or else he wouldn’t have asked you in the first place).

Instead say: “I don’t have a strong opinion either way, but a couple things to consider are…” When you offer an opinion (even without choosing a side), it shows that you care about the person asking.

9. “Well at least I’ve never ___.”

This phrase is an aggressive way to shift attention away from your mistake by pointing out an old, likely irrelevant mistake the other person made (and one you should have forgiven her for by now).

Instead say: “I’m sorry.” Owning up to your mistake is the best way to bring the discussion to a more rational, calm place so that you can work things out. Admitting guilt is an amazing way to prevent escalation.

Bringing It All Together

In everyday conversation, it’s the little things that make all the difference. Try these suggestions out, and you’ll be amazed at the positive response you get.


Tuesday, June 30, 2015


AWESOME NETWORKING at the final even of the season. It was the largest group yet!!
We break now for summer - see you SEPTEMBER!!
I will be promoting the group all summer to add more networkers!!
Thank you to all who connected over the season!! 2015 to be continued :) 
Karla Darocas, educator / owner - CBWomen.com 

Saturday, June 20, 2015


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What a lovely gathering place for our first CBWomen Networking Event in the Valley - Parcent to be exact.

We were treated to a wonderful brunch by the lovey and talented Victoria Putt-Gillin and Sherri-Lee Hales. Then, we got down to networking in the charming gardens under blue tarped shade - hence the bluish cast to the photos :)

If you don't know the Valley, as we call it - you might want to check out the web series called WINTER SUN - which will give you a good idea of the beauty that we are so fortunate to enjoy.

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At the end of our timed networking session, we focused on the theme of the day, which was the role of flowers in creating valuable relationships. Some of the answers were obvious, but some surprising!

Here is what the women shared on flowers and relationship...
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  • gives to close friends - just because you value the relationship
  • easy to send overseas to keep in contact with family and friends
  • gives a warm, loving feeling to any relationship
  • great to give for all occasions from birthdays to graduations
  • perfect gift for courting and seduction
  • great way to open new doors to relationships
  • a pacifier, apology, peacemaker
  • giving something green is always a good idea for oxygen, energy and cells
  • flowers brighten up people's lives and puts a smile on their faces
  • a great gift to oneself to build a connection with me - selfish moment which is deserved
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  • flowers and planting is a great way to build a family relationship

So = there you have it - lots of great reasons to bring flowers and plants into your life!

Friday, May 22, 2015


Another great networking event in the sunny yet shaded patio at Quo Vadis in Javea beach area. The renovations at Quo Vadis are looking fabulous and our event went smooth as silk with great food and service.

Thank you once again to Elaine for letting us make a ton of noise as we get to know each other better with our POWER Networking excitement!!

The networking topic for today was "Challenges for Women on the Costa Blanca".

I managed to chat with almost all of the women today and found out that some have found their transition to the sea and sun a bit of challenge, other found it confusing, others with small children were in a muddle but all were happy to be here! There was one women who found the transition a breeze - so there you go - it takes all types...

However, the topic was the challenges so here are so of them put forward today...

Language - not surprising

Driving - especially the roundabouts in the bigger cities... scarry!!

Integration with the Spanish - especially if you DO NOT have children who are in school.

Child minding if you do not have a network of friends and family

Bureaucracy is a nightmare - NIE and Patron with extended waiting and confusion - not easy

Banks - horrible at best for every aspect of services

Paying Bills and taxes - again trying on the patiences

No Jobs - of course it won't be easy to get contract work so being an entrepreneur makes more sense in order to survive as a working gal

Friday, April 17, 2015


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After a long stretch of dark skies and chilly weather, we were all so grateful for the lovely sun to return to us its glorious heat.
- Report by Karla Darocas

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We decided to network in the patio at Quo Vadis.  Elaine, our lovely hostess, got her men to put up some big sun umbrellas to cluster under. There was a fresh breeze off the beach making for perfect networking conditions

Aside from the networking, I asked the group to think about answers to this question...

Do you believe that you can be attracted to someone instantly and turn them into a friend? HOW?

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The majority said - "yes" - but one woman admitted to a 70 / 30 percent ratio - allowing a 30% margin to do more research before deciding.

So that is all good and to err on the side of caution isn't a bad thing either.

Here are some of the answered shared by today's networkers on how to turn an attraction into a friend...

  • Keep up communications
  • Go for lunch
  • Share interests
  • Be accepting
  • Be prepared to reach out
  • Open a window
  • Go for drinks
  • Ask questions
  • Make conversations
  • Read body language
  • Make them laugh
  • Be honest
  • Be vulnerable
  • Be Yourself
  • Be open to new experiences

CBWomen Power Networking
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Sunday, March 22, 2015



What a great networking session at Quo Vadis on Saturday in Javea. Thank you to all the wonderful women who came out to share their special selves.

The topic of discussion was on Connectedness - fitting subject at a social networking event and we tried to put some personal meaning to the phrase "reliable alliance".

Some were not quite sure what to make of that phrase, but others were well away of the social and psychological value of "reliable alliance" in personal life and business situations as well.

In the end the collective understanding of "reliable alliance" was put as follows...

- putting your trust into another person
- feeling like you can work with a person is a reliable alliance
- feeling that a reliable alliance is someone who you can bond with and have mutual help
- knowing that someone who is a reliable alliance will be punctual 
- know that a reliable alliance is an important friendship and it will be true

Then we had a raffle and some stayed on to network and bond after the event had closed. Plus, After a show of hand, we all decided to stay at Quo Vadis for our monthly networking session. Elaine, the owner, was indeed a "reliable alliance" and everything was perfect from the coffee to the croissants to the cava :)

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Monday, March 2, 2015


"Only through our connectedness with others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others." - Harriet Goldhor Lerner (Psychologist and Author)

Healthy relationship are the foundation for good emotional and mental health.

In any dynamic where social interaction leads to connectedness it is import that you feel worthwhile within yourself  but also that you feel that you can be truly worthwhile to others.

We all need to recognise that building healthy relationship is a co creative process. It is important to "Give" of yourself but also learn how to "Receive" from others and to do this with grace and dignity.

Javea-based woman, Ellen de Haar, an army life coach and counselor who also helps parents, adults and children, understands the importance of "connectedness" for good mental health.

"Almost everybody, not just people in the Military Army, suffer with emotional health issues from time to time," expresses Ellen.

"Everybody feels that something in the world has to chance if we going to survive and that is why I think connectedness is important these days!"

In business, being connected sometimes makes the difference between being successful or not in your enterprise. Connectedness builds a friendly and caring environment and when people care about you they will support your efforts and share their wealth.

Karin de Groot and her daughter felt the need to expand their connections and attended a CBWomen.com Networking event in Javea

"I went to a CBW networking event with my daughter and we had a lovely morning, explains the Javea-based business woman.

"I met some pretty interesting ladies and in a special way where we had to get to know each other in a short period of time (10 min )with some key questions. This was all new to us but very helpful. And before all of this networking we had a lovely breakfast. We will be there again!"